"Self-Care, My Ass! Who the Hell Has Time for All This?"

Because apparently, relaxing has become a full-time job.

First of all, WHO THE HELL made self-care so complicated?

Because somewhere between taking a bubble bath and minding our damn business, self-care turned into a luxury lifestyle that apparently requires excellent credit and a six-figure income.

Have y'all seen these morning routine videos?!

These women wake up at 4:30 in the morning, meditate, journal, do Pilates, drink some mysterious green shit, exfoliate, moisturize, and prepare a breakfast that looks like it came from a five-star resort.

ALL BEFORE 7 A.M.!

BITCH, I JUST FOUND MY OTHER FLIP FLOP! 

And don't let them start talking about their everything shower.

Girl, what the fuck is an everything shower?!

Apparently, it's a three-hour production involving seventeen products, four exfoliating tools, a scalp massage, a facial, and a spiritual awakening.

Meanwhile, I'm standing under the water trying to remember whether I already washed my ass.

AND NOW I'M SUPPOSED TO START OVER?!

Absolutely not.

💸 WHY IS PEACE SO DAMN EXPENSIVE?

According to social media, I need a $90 candle, $150 pajamas, a silk pillowcase, a weighted blanket, and a skincare refrigerator.

A FUCKING SKINCARE REFRIGERATOR?!

Baby, my regular refrigerator barely has groceries in it!

Now I gotta buy another one so my moisturizer can live better than I do?

THE AUDACITY! 

And apparently, if you're not spending money, you're not practicing self-care.

Well, somebody better tell my bank account because she's already on life support.

😒 CAN EVERYBODY JUST LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE?

Here's what these influencers don't understand.

Sometimes I don't want to journal.

I don't want to manifest.

I don't want to align my chakras.

I don't want to take a damn personality quiz to discover which essential oil matches my trauma.

I WANT EVERYBODY TO STOP TALKING TO ME!

For ONE hour.

No questions.

No favors.

No "what's for dinner?"

And PLEASE don't walk into the room, see me sitting peacefully, and ask:

"You busy?"

YES, DAMMIT!

I'M BUSY DOING ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! 

💋 MY KIND OF SELF-CARE

Give me a good shower, some Rebellious Beauty Whipped Shea Body Butter (Shameless Plug LOL), comfortable pajamas, something good on television, and a phone that ain't ringing.

That's it.

No retreat.

No subscription.

No motivational podcast telling me to become the best version of myself.

Girl, the current version is TIRED.

And she would appreciate a little cooperation.

Because sometimes self-care isn't about doing more.

Sometimes it's about telling the world to kiss your WHOLE ass while you moisturize it. 💋

And THAT, my fellow Rebels, is what I call personal growth.

Stay soft. Stay rebellious. And for the love of everything holy, GO SIT YOUR ASS DOWN! 

— Rebellious Beauty 💋