The Real Housewives of Adulthood: The Bills, The Bullsh*t & The Audacity

Because apparently being grown means paying for things, questioning your decisions, and pretending you have it all figured out.

Previously on The Real Housewives of Adulthood...

The bills were paid, the responsibilities were handled, everybody needed something, and our leading lady was approximately two minor inconveniences away from telling everybody to kiss her entire ass.

Welcome back, Rebels!

Now, I don't know who's in charge of adulthood, but I would like to speak to management. Immediately. Because whoever designed this experience clearly left out some VERY important information.

First of all, WHY IS EVERYTHING SO EXPENSIVE?! I'm not even talking about luxury purchases. I'm talking about regular, everyday EXISTENCE. Food? Expensive. Gas? Expensive. Utilities? Expensive.

Leaving the house? Also, expensive. And staying in the house apparently ain't free either! At this point, I'm convinced my bank account, and I are in a toxic relationship. I put money in, it disappears, and somehow, I'm the one expected to make things work.

THE AUDACITY!

And now we're deep into the infamous BER months.

September, October, November, and December. Or as I like to call them,

the annual financial ass-whooping.

Because these months don't just arrive. Oh no, baby. They come with expectations, obligations, celebrations, invitations, and a whole lot of people acting like money grows in the backyard.

Don't get me wrong. I love my family, a good celebration, and the holidays. But can we space some of this shit out?! My wallet hasn't even recovered from the last event, and here comes another one dressed in festive colors, asking for my credit card.

CHILE, THE GHETTO!

But somewhere between calculating holiday expenses and wondering why being a responsible adult feels like a subscription service I never signed up for, something crossed my mind.

Life has a funny way of humbling you. The older I get, the more I realize that having a plan and having control are two VERY different things. You can work hard, save money, build a career, start a business, and make what you believe are responsible decisions. And STILL find yourself sitting there thinking...

"Now how in the entire hell did I end up HERE?"

And baby, I know that feeling personally. Because underneath all the bills, the bullshit, and the audacity is a story about something I never imagined I'd have to do at this stage of my life.

Start over. AGAIN.

Not the cute, inspirational, Pinterest-board version of starting over. I'm talking about the kind where you thought you had your ducks in a row, your future was planned, and life came out of nowhere and slapped the entire hell out of you. Like...

"BITCH, HAVE SEVERAL SEATS!" Excuse me?! I thought we had an agreement!

Twenty Years, a Government Career, and the Audacity to Walk Away

Let me tell y'all something. I spent 20 years working in government.

TWENTY.

That's two decades of showing up, building a career, and creating what I thought was a solid foundation for my future. I had stability. Benefits. Familiarity. I was comfortable. Actually, let me correct that.

I was a little TOO comfortable. You ever stay somewhere so long that you start convincing yourself the things you're tolerating are normal? The disrespect. The foolishness. The unnecessary stress. The people who make you question whether common sense was discontinued sometime around 1997.

And the worst part? You KNOW you're capable of more. You KNOW you deserve better. But you're comfortable, and comfort can be one hell of a trap. Somewhere along the way, I realized I had completely lost myself. I wasn't happy. I wasn't fulfilled. And some days, I genuinely felt like that place was driving me crazy. I had spent so much time being who I needed to be for everybody else that I wasn't even sure who I was anymore. Eventually, I had to ask myself a question:

Am I staying because I love this life, or because I'm terrified of what happens if I leave?

Whew......Now THAT was a conversation I wasn't ready to have with myself.

But I had it anyway. And after 20 years...

I LEFT.

So You Mean to Tell Me I Have to Start Over?!

Leaving my government career was one of the scariest decisions I've ever made.

I wasn't leaving to sit around eating bonbons and watching television.

I was leaving to pursue something I had spent years building.

Rebellious Beauty.

My business. My baby. My vision. I wanted to know what would happen if I finally gave my business the time, energy, and attention I had spent giving somebody else's organization for two decades.

Was that really such a ridiculous dream? To wake up every morning and build something that belonged to ME? To have more control over my time? To see what I could accomplish without the limitations of a traditional career? And most importantly... To stop living with the "what if."

Because let me tell you, that "what if" will eat you alive if you let it.

I couldn't spend the rest of my life wondering what might have happened if I'd believed in myself enough to try. So I took the chance. And for a while Girl, things were GOOD!

I was running my business full-time, doing something I loved, and experiencing a level of freedom I had dreamed about for years. Was everything perfect? Absolutely not. But it was MINE. And that meant something.

Then Life Said, "That's Cute. Now Go Get a Job."

And then the economy started doing whatever the hell it is the economy has been doing.

Prices increased. Business expenses became more challenging. The financial landscape started looking a whole lot different. Let's just say the decisions being made in this country haven't exactly had me skipping through fields of daisies. Suddenly, I found myself facing a decision I never thought I'd have to make again.

Going back to work.

WAIT A DAMN MINUTE.

Wasn't I supposed to be done with this part of my life? Didn't I already put in my 20 years? Wasn't the whole point of leaving my career to work for myself? And I'm going to be completely transparent with y'all.

At first, I felt like a failure. There. I said it.

I wondered if I hadn't planned properly. If I'd miscalculated something. If maybe I should have stayed where I was. Maybe I'd made the wrong decision. When you've spent years being independent, responsible, and accustomed to having a plan, admitting that your plan needs to change can mess with your head. Especially when you're approaching 50 and society has somehow convinced us that by this age, we're supposed to have every damn thing figured out.

But eventually, I had to get real with myself.

Who said going back to work meant I failed? Seriously. WHO?!

I had taken a chance on myself. I had experienced running my business full-time. I had learned lessons I never would have learned if I'd stayed in my comfort zone. And now circumstances had changed.

That's not failure. That's life.

Sometimes the Smartest Move Isn't the Most Glamorous One

Here's where I had to sprinkle a little grown-woman wisdom on myself. Entrepreneurship is not always a straight line from quitting your job to becoming a millionaire while sipping margaritas on a beach. Sometimes it looks like making sacrifices, adjusting your business model, or working a nine-to-five while building your dream during evenings and weekends. And sometimes it means admitting that you need a little more financial stability while figuring out your next move.

AND THAT IS OKAY.

There's a difference between giving up on your dream and adjusting the way you pursue it.

Going back to work didn't mean I stopped believing in Rebellious Beauty. It meant I was making a decision that allowed me to keep building it without putting unnecessary financial pressure on myself. And guess what? I found another job. And for the most part? I'M HAPPY! Imagine that. After all that worrying and questioning myself, I ended up somewhere that's been a much better fit for this season of my life. Do I still have days when I wonder what would have happened if I'd stayed in government? Absolutely. I'm human. But most days, I remember exactly why I left. And I wouldn't trade the lessons I've learned for anything.

Starting Over Doesn't Have an Expiration Date

This is the part I really want somebody to hear. Whether you're 29, 39, 49, or 69, you are allowed to change your mind. You're allowed to outgrow your career. You're allowed to leave something that no longer makes you happy. You're allowed to try something new, discover it isn't quite what you expected, and make another decision.

Your first decision does not have to be your final destination.

I think so many of us, especially women, carry this ridiculous pressure to have everything together.

The career. The marriage. The children. The house. The savings. The retirement plan. The business.

And God forbid you have to change direction. Suddenly, you're questioning your entire existence like somebody handed you a failing grade in adulthood. But life doesn't work that way.

Growth isn't always pretty. Sometimes it's uncomfortable, embarrassing, and requires you to swallow your pride and do something you swore you'd never have to do again. But that doesn't mean you're moving backward.

Sometimes you're simply taking a different road to get where you're going.

And baby, if there's one thing these last few years have taught me, it's that peace is worth more than the appearance of having it all together.

And While We're Talking About Peace...

Can we discuss how important it is to have somebody you can actually TALK to?

Because starting over is hard enough without feeling like you have to carry every emotion by yourself.

I've been thinking a lot lately about friendships between women.

REAL friendships. Not the performative, picture-perfect, "Hey bestie!" friendships where everybody smiles for social media but nobody feels comfortable having an actual conversation.

I'm talking about having another woman you can call and say:

"GIRL, I AM NOT OKAY TODAY."

Without worrying that she's judging you, secretly celebrating your struggles, or preparing to turn your personal business into somebody else's entertainment.

Why is genuine, emotionally safe friendship sometimes so hard to find?

Whew, chile. We're saving THAT conversation for another day because I have some thoughts.

And I mean THOUGHTS. Plus, we need to discuss the fact that I'll be turning 49 in a few months.

FORTY-NINE. Girl...We're not even opening that door today. I need a snack and possibly a nap before we unpack that situation.

So Where Does That Leave Me?

Well, let's see. The BER months are still expensive as hell. My bills have apparently developed expensive taste. The world is doing entirely too much. I'm working again after leaving a 20-year career. I'm still building Rebellious Beauty. I'm approaching 49. And I still haven't figured out why adulthood doesn't come with a customer service department. But here's what I HAVE figured out.

I'm still here.

Still learning. Still growing. Still laughing. And most importantly, still willing to bet on myself. My life doesn't look exactly the way I imagined it would. And you know what? I'm finally learning to be okay with that. Maybe the goal was never to have everything figured out. Maybe the goal was to build a life where I could continue becoming the woman I wanted to be, even when the plans changed.

So if you're reading this and you're standing at a crossroads, questioning your decisions, wondering whether you're too old to start again, or feeling like everybody else has life figured out except you...

GIRL, YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

You haven't missed your opportunity. You haven't automatically failed because your plans changed.

And you certainly don't owe anybody a picture-perfect explanation of your journey. Sometimes the most rebellious thing you can do is choose yourself, even when that choice looks different from what you originally imagined. Now, if somebody could just do something about these damn prices before Christmas, that would be GREAT. Because personal growth is beautiful and everything...

BUT I STILL HAVE BILLS TO PAY! 😂

Until next time, Rebels.

Stay beautiful. Stay bold. Stay rebellious.

— Lena 💜

P.S. Next time, we're talking about female friendships, having a safe place to vent, and why finding genuine connections as grown women can feel harder than finding a decent parking spot at Walmart on Christmas Eve. And yes, we're going to discuss this whole turning-49 situation too. Pray for me.